From Pick-Me to Poser

By Lauren Law Sep 24. 2025

Eleanor Wang Art

Matcha lattes in reusable jars; a copy of “Pride and Prejudice” he has never actually finished, wire headphones for the “sound quality”; a tote bag from a gallery opening he did not attend: here is the “performative male” in his natural habitat.  

When internet users mention performative men, they are usually referring to men who adopt interests and behaviors that American culture tends to label as feminine in order to gain social approval or attract romantic partners. Some examples of performative behavior are drinking matcha, reading feminist literature and being familiar with one’s astronomy sign. The stereotypical “performative male” can be easily found reading feminist literature in cafes or libraries, attempting to stand out from other men. Performative men can be found wearing baggy jeans they bought in Japan, drowning themselves in Vivienne Westwood or Chrome Hearts necklaces and slinging a tote bag with a Labubu attached across their shoulder.  

The “performative male” archetype evolved from the “pick-me boy,” a trend in which women began to notice similar patterns among men attempting to differentiate themselves from other men for female validation. According to Lifestyle Asia, the trend became popular in July as influencers on TikTok turned the stereotypes into a meme by satirizing the persona. People came together to organize performative men contests, with Seattle holding its first ever competition on August 1 where participants took turns parodying the archetype in front of a crowd. 

“I would not describe myself as a performative male, though I have heard the term on social media before. I think the label often comes from how someone dresses or behaves, which can coincidentally align with what people call performative. For example, I enjoy a cup of matcha, but my preferences are personal, not meant to signal anything. Being performative entails adjusting your personality or traits to meet social expectations. I have noticed social media encourages this behavior through trends and competitions, but in my experience, most people who are called performative are mislabeled,” Senior Dalston Chan said.  

Merriam-Webster defines being performative as pertaining to actions that are carried out as a form of public or artistic presentation. It can be someone doing or saying a certain thing that signals a particular identity or moral stance instead of acting according to their genuine beliefs. The behavior of performative men is often viewed as inauthentic because they focus on how they are perceived by women instead of being their genuine selves.  

Underneath the humor and quirks of the “performative male,” trend, there lies a deeper cultural problem amongst men; Science Direct reports how men are often trained to suppress emotions and demonstrate toughness to avoid perceived weakness or appearing vulnerable. Men may be afraid to embrace traits that are considered by society as feminine because they go against traditional masculinity.  

“I would define a performative man as someone who acts a certain way mainly to look good in front of others. When behavior feels performative, it comes across as fake and unsettling, but authenticity feels genuine and makes me more interested in engaging with that person. Social media and peer culture often encourage performative behavior because people crave attention or validation. I have also noticed this type of behavior when someone is trying to impress a romantic interest by pretending to be someone they are not,” Sophomore Maya Shahtout said.  

Performative men are only an archetype and do not define the entire male gender. And men can be genuinely interested in astrology or matcha, but when it appears that there is no authentic interest behind these gestures, it can be seen as shallow. 

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About the Contributors

Lauren Law

staff writer

Lauren Law is a senior at Leland High School and this is her second year as a staff writer. She enjoys hanging out with friends, sleeping, and eating.

Eleanor Wang

artist

Eleanor Wang is a Junior at Leland High School and is an artist for The Charger Account. When not working on school work or studying for a test, you can often find her playing video games, singing, or going out with friends.